I often repeat a saying that goes like this: What others think of me is none of my business. I don’t know who said this first, yet I find this concept so valuable that I adopted it as a belief that I hold dear.
This idea echoes the second of The Four Agreements written about by Don Miguel Ruiz.
That agreement says, “Don’t take anything personally.” The teaching reminds us that what others say about us isn’t really about us at all. Even when someone pays me the highest compliment or offers the most insulting opinion – it’s not about me. I need not take credit for an accolade or assume responsibility for criticism.
It is a challenge to be free from the opinions of others, yet freedom is exactly the reward of this understanding. Imagine how your life would change if you weren’t attached to the opinions others hold “about you.”
In The Seventh Major Understanding Joshua teaches us that all of our judgment is a definition about our personal canon of what is right and wrong, good and bad, and so on. He makes no judgment about that because he accepts that everyone needs a personal moral compass.
Joshua recognizes that our sense of fear is stirred when others don’t share our personal beliefs about morality. He challenges me to keep my judgment focused on myself and to remember that I do not know what is best for others. So, I cannot decide what is right or wrong for you while I have every freedom to decide what is right or wrong for me.
Joshua teaches that all of our relationships provide a mirror into our inner being. We attract individuals to play specific roles in our lives so we can see more clearly into our whole self.
Even the individuals in our lives who arouse feelings of sorrow or frustration are holding a mirror for us. With this awareness in mind, I want to post a statement of intention that Joshua urged me to write in August 2011. Here it is:
Intention of Growth: I look in the mirror of my soul without denial and completely unafraid of my reflection. All of my relationships are a mirror of my thoughts, beliefs and expectations. No part of my reflection is good or bad. The judgment I apply to others is truly a reflection of who I am.
The way I judge you defines me – not you. When this is forgotten, we fall asleep and believe that we are separate from each other. I appreciate you for being the mirror so I may see deeply into my soul. I thank you for the reflection of my being so that I may learn about my hidden beauty and my denied shadow. I hold the mirror for you, too.